I need to kiss phoebe bridgers

When Spotify started releasing their "year in review," I hope that everyone experienced the same panic I did — oh god, someone has been watching me listen to the Spring Awakening soundtrack and that one hyper-sexualized song from Miley Cyrus' brother's band and Britney Spears' oeuvre on repeat. When I saw it though, it wasn't that bad. A bit too much Taylor Swift for my liking and the white noise that I sometimes fall asleep to, but mostly respectable.

But the idea that there's going to be a record of what I listen to has seeped into my habits. Without any documentation, I would freely listen to the same thing over and over, until I felt I understood its essence and could time the drumbeat with my footsteps on the pavement without thinking about it. Sometimes I like something so much it scares me, because what if I hear the perfect song at 24? What happens then?

I think I listen to songs, again and again, to untangle my attraction to them and understand what it is that is drawing me back to tapping that little green button on my phone.

This puzzling captivation has led me to associate certain songs and albums and sounds ringing through the little white chord to my ears. (No, I still don't have airpods, this is not a statement on anything they are just expensive and I haven't gotten around to it yet.)

Places and songs that have been married in my mind:

- Wet, Dazey and the Scouts — Jersey City, New Jersey (typing in my old office in )

- Chatroom, Charly Bliss - crossing the BQE from my old apartment in Williamsburg to the Marcy subway station in the morning before work

- Hungry Hippo, Tierra Whack - 14th Street L subway (running to catch the subway down that long hallway with the fluorescent lights and posters of tv shows)

- Peach Season, Half Gringa - the G train to Long Island City

- Addictions, Lucy Dacus - Central Park near 110th Street and Central Park West

- As The Romans Do, Theo Katzman - my desk in Ann Arbor, Michigan in an attic apartment that had squirrels living in the walls in the winter

- EARFQUAKE, Tyler the Creator - the piano outside Lillia on my way to McCarren Park

- Scorpio Rising, Soccer Mommy - walking onto the diag from the Walgreens across the street in Ann Arbor, Michigan

- Groceries, Mallrat - a bus home from a trip - in love with someone who didn't love me back :)

- Soak up the sun, Sheryl Crow - driving in Vermont, front seat, eating recently picked berries

- Good Kisser, Lake Street Dive - in front of my oven in my childhood home